Wednesday, January 31, 2007

A Grimoire for the Wizards of Search

SERP's & Searchers
A compendium of magical spells for the wizards of search and technology.

To the outside world, we are the mystical manipulators of magical energies that surround the inner sanctum of search. However, within our ranks, we are divided... the wizards of the white hat and the wizards of the black hat. We eternally battle to control the virtual domain of the everpresent Google, who was, who is and who will be to come, the Master of Past and Present.

There are powerful spells and arcane knowledge that we possess to channel the energies of semantics and the internet.

Level 1 Spells:

  • Summon Keywords: This ability allows the wizard of search to conjure up lists of relevant keywords. At higher levels, this spell allows the wizard to have a more focused and refined list.
  • Reveal Plugins: The legendary Firefox, unlike the Explorer has the ability to allow wizards to customize it according to their needs, during incantations, this can be helpful to give the wizard to see deeper into the site than normal.
  • Detect Spam: Upon looking at the page, the wizard will be able to spot non-sensical and repeating phrases that plague the site.
  • View Source: There is a hidden world behind all websites, the wizards of search are able to decipher the source and divine the hidden knowledge that it has.
  • Summon Directories: The search wizard can tap the energies and forces that flow from public directories. These energies enhance the site with a glow that the Search Gods recognize.
  • Spam Source: One of the first spells the wizards of the black hat learns, this allows the wizard to manipulate the search engines with repetative words. This ability could backfire however, as they could be banished by the Search Gods.
Level 2 Spells:
  • Summon Key Phrases: The wizard is now able to craft the summoned keywords into phrases that match the intent of the site.
  • Summon Title Tags: The wizard is able to manipulate the site's source directly and give it the ability to be named. Once a page or a site has a true name, the Gods of Search can properly identify it and give it its due.
  • Detect Redirect I: This spell allows the wizard to detect the simplest of redirects, the meta-refresh and the Java Redirect. Once the redirect is identified the wizard is able to channel the coding magic to put them in order.
  • Find Whois: The "Whois" spell allows the wizard to find other sites on the same IP, revealing other efforts of the black hat wizards.
  • Text of Invisibility: A higher level of the spam spell, this allows the black hat wizards to hide their spam with white on white text, text under images, spammed ALT tags and source code spam so that the users dont see the spam.
  • Shrink Text: Another black hat spell, this causes normal text to be shrunk past the point of legibility, yet still be seen by users and search engines. Another variation of the spam spell, it often causes confusion and anger in user behavior.
  • Summon Links I: A summoning spell more powerful than "summon directory", this spell allows the wizard to manipulate the words on the page to draw unsuspecting users to feel a compulsion to link to them. At this level, the user has a good chance to resist the urge, but each link adds more energy to the site.
Level 3 Spells:
  • Invoke User Intent: The wizard is able to determine the users' mind and use the keyword phrases to guide them along the path of their intent.
  • Summon Description: This spell combines the ability to charm the user into entering the site, while keeping the keyword integrity intact.
  • Summon Link Bait: The wizard is able to charm a massive amount of people into linking to their site.
  • Detect Redirct II: Upon detection, the wizard is able to see more difficult redirects and divine the type of them, 301 and 302 redirects become second nature to the wizard.
  • Summon Paid Traffic: By combining the energy channels of the search engines, the wizard sacrifices a small amount of their own vitality in exchange for traffic and the potential to gain a higher amount of vitality
  • Div of Invisibility: The wizards of the black hat are able to hide some of their spam spells in a div of invisibility, while it's harder for the search engines to catch, there is a chance that they will.
  • Summon Link Farm: Another black hat wizard technique, this spell summons thousands and thousands of links from other sites, these energy channels are less effective than the true channels, they provide a short term benefit to the black hat wizard.
  • Evoke Lesser Blogger: Once evoked, the lesser blogger writes about the wizard and hails their efforts in front of their own audience. Both wizards benefit from this spell... but it's also a double edged spell, there's a chance that the blogger will turn on the wizard and try to break him down.
  • Summon Lesser Industry Contact: There are many wizards of search, this spell allows the wizard access to speak with the industry contact over long distances, the incantations and help from the industry contact allow the lesser wizard to focus and potentially spark new ideas.
Level 4 Spells:
  • Behavioral Scrying: With this spell, the wizard can see into the minds of multiple users and allow them to create enchantments to attract more and more people. The users find what they want and share some of their vitality with the wizard.
  • Summon Links III: At this level, the links summoned are from high level wizards, institutions and other quality sites. There is a chance, that at this point, the summoned links will continually rise on their own.
  • Control Page Rank: One of the tools of the black hat wizard is to manipulate the very energy of the mythic page rank, they're able to use the forces of the search engines against them and create an illusiory page rank.
  • Decipher Analytics: This spell translates the numbers, graphs and percentages of the analytics portal into real information, when used with the spell behavioral scrying, the potential is limitless.
  • Invoke Keyword Campaign: The highest level of the keyword spells, the wizard can form a vast chain of keywords that focus on user intent and relevance into a grand unified keyword strategy.
  • Link Bomb: One of the tools of the black hat wizard, they're able to turn the search engines themselves into weapons. With the link bomb, the wizard can target specific phrases and force their enemy into a negative situation.
  • Summon Greater Blogger: Like the summon lesser blogger, this allows the wizard to connect with the powers of the other wizards. At this point, there is a low chance of failure since the wizard is able to effectively wield their powers.
  • Trade Show Teleport: A simple spell in actuality, but powerful in application. The wizard must be at a certain level to understand the concepts and applications of the trade shows.. the added benefit is that the material spell cost is usually paid by someone else.
  • Create Spell: At this point in the wizard's experience, they're able to see the interaction of all the mystical energies of the search matrix and can create their own spells to see if they work or fail.
Level 5 Spells:
  • Create Blog: With a vast amount of knowledge and experience, the wizard becomes a lesser blogger. Forging out into the search matrix and sharing ideas and thoughts, the wizard allows other, lesser search wizards to benefit from their knowledge.
  • Hijack Ranking: One of the deadliest and dangerous spells of the black hats, this spell allows a wizard to take away, without knowledge or consent of the search Gods, the rankings of their competitors and enemies. However, the danger of getting caught and forcing the search gods to change the search energies is high.
  • Pacify Client: Often times, those who the wizard deals with have unrealistic expectations of the limits of the search wizard. With cool logic and explanations, the wizard is able to charm the client into understanding the basics of the magic of search.
  • Summon Viral Links: The highest level of link summoning, the wizard invests a small amount of energy and causes thousands of users to create links for them... once summoned, the users pass along and cause other users to link. The duration of this spell widely varies.
  • Summon Named Blogger: The wizard, at this level is able to connect with and get a link from some of the demi-gods of search, Matt Cutts, Andy Beal or Jeremy Zawodny
  • Voice of SES: Gaining the voice of SES confirms your status in the search wizarding world. Hundreds and thousands of other wizards come to hear your methods, your insights and your spells. Often thought of as the highest level to attain before you reach demi-god status, the more you become the Voice of SES, there is no limit from where you can go.
  • Divine Competitor Strategy: The wizard is able to take all the spells, components, tools and scrying methods to divine the strategy of the competition. With this look into the actions of those against you, the wizard is able to create a counter strategy.

If you'd like to add to the wizards of search grimorie, just let me know and I'll add them.

1 comment:

Randy H. said...

You have gained +20 in the School of Geekery. Congratulations. Oh, and awesome post.

I don't know which is worst: the fact that I know or have done most of all you have mentioned, or that I understood the formating of them.